My strong dislike of others trying to control me?
You perceive others trying to control you. If it is true or not, you have no way of knowing. Your perception is what matters. Why do you care? You know their perceived control over you is an illusion. So why do you care?
Because YOU want to be in control. You are fighting the enemy for control over the conditions. You see yourself as part of the conditions, and the conditions as a reason for your happiness. This means that when you perceive others controlling you or attempting to control you, you perceive them to hold the key to your happiness.
You also believe they control you because you are wrong as you are now. You need this correction, that is why you are controlled. Or so you believe. This all stems from your belief that you need to be controlled because the way you naturally are is wrong and bad. If you are wrong and bad it makes sense that you need to be controlled. Other people are reflecting this back to you: the belief that you need to be controlled. You believe others want to control you as much as you do.
You try to control yourself and you try to stay in control. If others challenge your control you feel strong resistance to this. You cannot allow others to control you because then you are no longer in control.
The belief in outer control is an illusion. Control over others is an illusion. Others being able to control you is an illusion. The belief that others are trying to control you should not be a problem. Others might be trying to lose weight or find a partner, how does that concern you? It doesn’t. What others do or attempt to do has nothing to do with you. If others try to control you that has nothing to do with you and all to do with them. You don’t need to try to control them controlling you, or try to stop them trying to control you. They are attempting the impossible, so just let them do it.
You resist control and you cling to it so hard. These are two sides of the same stick. The fear of not being in control is huge within you. You fear the free fall. Can you remember the last time you gave in? Completely gave in to the situation and allowed yourself to just be? To not try to control the moment or the outcome, but just be in it?
If you can give up on the need to control you will not feel so much anxiety when you sense this need in others. You are reacting to their need because it touches the same need in you. What you fear is feeling bad. If you stop feeling bad when you believe you are not in control, you will stop fearing this. If you stop needing to control you will no longer fear losing control. There is no wrong. You can never make a mistake. So why the need for control? Control gets you nowhere. Control is only an illusion. The attempt is real, but the actual control is an illusion. You control through vibration, not through force.
Give up control and feel the thrill of free falling. Falling is how you rise.