When I think about being free, really free, it makes me want to cry! I feel relief and want to cry, I feel happy and want to cry. Why all this crying?
Crying is a release of emotions. Some things are hard to deal with in the mind only, and they leave imprints in your heart, both emotionally and physically. They leave imprints of pain all around your body. The crying is a physical release of this pain. This release is a cleansing, and crying also releases several hormones into your body that relaxes and alleviates pain and anxiety. As you clear out more and more dense emotions and imprints within you, as you become more light, you will have less need of the release found in crying.
But the problem here is not the crying, it is your reaction to it. Why do you feel bothered by the crying? Why do you judge it as wrong? Once again you see a part of yourself and you try to change it, because it displeases you. What if the crying is also here to teach you about acceptance and tolerance? Why do you insist on marking yourself as wrong in some way? Why can you not accept these parts of yourself?
When you cry you show your emotions to the world. You feel shame for being emotional, not being able to control yourself. You feel like you should not show these emotions to others, and you feel like you are too much for feeling too much. One judgement on top of the other. Being vulnerable is a power, a superpower. When you are forcing yourself to be vulnerable and show the world that you are reacting in an emotional way, you are forcing yourself to be authentic. In this vulnerability there is great expansion. If you cannot take the steps to be naked to the world, your inner being and your body will take those steps for you, thus forcing you to be who you are.
You have started on this path and there is no turning back. You cannot deny who you are. There is no shame in being who you are, and feeling your emotions is absolutely necessary for you to expand into who you truly are. A part of this expansion is to be authentic and vulnerable to the world. You cannot accept yourself fully and completely while trying to hide parts of you from the world. As long as you aim to hide yourself you are carrying the shame of who you are. As long as you try to hide you are believing in the illusion that parts of you are shameful and wrong. As long as you are trying to control or stop this crying you are trying to control yourself to not be who you are. All of this is futile, and it is creating more resistance. You are trying to hold back who you are. You are trying to shame yourself into being something other than what you are in this moment.
What if you had leaky bowels? What if you farted every time you laughed? What if that was the way your inner being outed you and forced you to be naked to the world? Is the crying not a better option?
You are you. In this moment you are perfect. In this moment there is no part of you that needs to change or to be hidden. All you need to do is to accept yourself. Fully and completely. You are perfect. You are not wrong. You are perfect as you cry your emotions to the world. You are perfect as you get moved by a book or a pretty flower. You are perfect as you show your nakedness to all that is. You are loved and you are worthy of all this love, including your own. Who you are is you, and this version of you is just as perfect as the one you will be once you go back to the non-physical. All that is stopping you from seeing this is your belief in the illusion.
You have a choice. Only you can do this. Allow yourself to be who you are today without judgement. Look for the magic of wonders that is within you. Look for the beauty and the light. Change your focus to see what is good and right in you, and believe that the things you judge as wrong are just a flaw of your perception. The flaw is not you, the flaw is your perception. Allow yourself to be as you are, so that you can let go of the identity of today and float into the freedom of tomorrow. Through your resistance to who you are today you are keeping yourself from expanding into someone larger tomorrow. You must accept today in order to move forward. The next step is dependent on your acceptance of who you are today. As soon as you accept today you will shift into tomorrow. That is all you need to do.