Q: All my life I appear to be «too much», «too complicated», «too open». I yearn for that romantic connection, but I seem to always be too much for those I connect with. How can I be myself when it leads to me being always alone because of how I am? I seek this sacred union, but is it just not meant to be for me?
Answer from Laurel:
That sacred union is always with yourself. Sure, you will find companionship, and sure, you will find romantic love. But the union you seek is that reunion with who you really are. To be who you are and to accept and love that YOU.
You get the reflection of being too much, too emotional, too deep, too whatever. That reflection is not a reflection of who you are. It is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. You believe you are too much. Too loud. Too deep. You believe you are not who you should be. You believe you should be different. As long as you keep believing this you will face this reflection in others. Until you accept yourself as “too much” and see that you are in fact not too much, but exactly as much as you intended to be and need to be, you will face this reflection of being too much. The reflection is stubborn and strong, because your beliefs are stubborn. The reflection hurts, because your soul is trying so hard to tell you that you are NOT too much. Your inner self wants you to understand that you do not need to be different! That you are perfect exactly as you are, and that your sensitivities and your depth is exactly as it was intended to be in this life!
Your depth, your sensitivity, your openness, it is all very necessary and important parts of who you are. These traits are the very core of your magnificence. But you cannot see it yet, because you have decided that these traits are wrong and bad. This limited perception, this perception based in the illusion that parts of you are less than perfect, is hindering you from seeing the truth of who you are. Before you can see how these traits are good and perfect, and actually your superpowers, you must get yourself to a point of neutrality. You must find a way to accept that all of you, including and especially these traits in you, are not bad. They simply are. Just like your haircolor. Or the shape of your eyes. They are not good or bad in themselves, they simply are. How you choose to use them is what allows these traits to shine! Once you can accept these traits in yourself, and see that they are not bad, you will be shown (by your inner self) that these traits are your superpowers. You will be led to see how magnificent you are, and how each of these traits are cornerstones of the being that is blessing the world with her presence as You.
You are all that you need to be, and nothing more. You are all that you wanted to be, and nothing more. You are all magnificent, and nothing less. Everything about you is perfect and right, and only your perception in the illusion is stopping you from becoming aware of your own greatness.
You will find love, and the partner you so desire. You will find someone to reflect how you feel about yourself, just like you have so far. If you wish to find someone who appreciates you and loves you for who you are, you need to give that love and appreciation to yourself first. You cannot change the reflection without changing the one who is looking into the mirror. You must accept yourself first, before the reflection can change into what you wish it to be.
The love that you seek is there for you. It is there within you. But it is also outside of you, in the shape of a loving and warmhearted man. This man cannot find you as long as you keep vibrating “I am too much, I am too emotional, I am too loud”. He is looking for who you really are, the truth of you, the one you are without all the fear. He cannot recognize your signals as long as you keep rejecting yourself. You need to accept who you are, and recognize yourself as good and worthy of his love, before he can hear your calling. You need to love yourself like you deserve to be loved, so that he can be allowed to reflect this love to you. The longer you keep seeing yourself as wrong, the longer he will have to wait.
You want love that accepts you as you are. You want love that nourishes the soul. So you must nourish your soul. So you must accept yourself as you are. The reflection cannot give you what is not yet within you. Change your perception of self into a perception more aligned with love, and the outside world will change to mirror this new perception. You will receive all that you desire, but what you truly desire can only be given by you: complete and unconditional love of all that you are, as you are today. From you, to you. Be the love that you seek, and the one who seeks you will reflect this love to you. But first, give to yourself so that you can receive when he finds you. Love, so that you may be loved too.