Kids who won’t be controlled

Q: My grandson is misbehaving, and his mother does not know how to handle him. How do I deal with this?

Laurel’s answer:

So you would like your grandson to change and be more like you want him to be? That he should change so life gets easier for you and his mother? You believe he needs to limit himself in order to not upset those around him? You believe there are certain ways a person cannot be, and one specific set of behaviors that are approved for people to live out?

You have a certain set of beliefs for how people should act and behave. This is not only for your grandson and your daughter, this is also for yourself. When you see him acting in a way that is not aligned with your rules, it upsets you. When your daughter is not punishing him or trying to limit him, that upsets you. Everyone should live by your rules, not just you! If they get to break the rules, what about you? You get to break the rules too. You have bought into these rules and you have made them your own. You are the one with the power to change these rules, for yourself and for others.

You limit yourself, every day, by these rules of how and who you should be. You limit your expression of self, your exploration of your reality, and you limit how much you are able to perceive of those around you. When you live by these rules of who you should be, rules created to keep you down, you are creating your own cage. You allow yourself to do certain things, in certain ways, and you limit yourself from doing most of the things you want to do.

You have desires. Your soul has desires. There are things you wish to explore. To break out from this self imposed prison is one of those desires. To be who you are with no worry of how you are perceive by the outside world, is one of those desires. To explore yourself and your reality from a place of ease with who you are, and curiosity for what you are becoming, is one of those desires. But as long as you limit yourself by these rules of how you should behave and who it is acceptable to be, and what it is acceptable to express, you will not allow yourself to explore this. Your expansion will change you into someone you cannot imagine yet. Your expansion will awaken desires in you that you now judge as wrong. Your expansion will allow you to explore areas that you now declare as bad. How do you expect yourself to expand when you limit your own expression with all these rules of who you are allowed to be?

Your fear of breaking these rules, and of being different from what society has told you to be, is limiting your expansion. The reflection of your desire to break the rules is seen clearly in your grandson. He is being the rebel you do not dare to be. He is speaking up, speaking out, being loud and demanding to be seen as who he is. Sure, parts of him are annoying, but that is not a bad thing. You fear annoying others because it would make you wrong, and you define yourself as good and right. All these definitions you have created for yourself are keeping you small. Your definitions and labels of who you are now, are too limited, too constricting. You have to let go of those definitions, so that you can change and expand, and be something you have not yet explored! Needing to be good is a limitation. The label good is meaningless, because different people have different definitions of what is good. You will never be liked by everyone, so why not just be yourself and learn to like that one? Let go of the belief that you need to be a certain way in order to be good enough, and allow yourself to rest in the knowing that no matter how you behave or who you be, you ARE good enough. You already are everything you wish to be, but you have to set yourself free from all those rules you have created first, so that you can allow yourself to see your own perfection.

This prison of beliefs is holding you back from the big, wonderful world out there. If you can allow a small crack to open this prison, the light will come in and you will feel the pull of exploring the world outside. There is so much more for you to experience, but you will not allow yourself to explore because you worry you might not behave how you should behave. You worry you are doing something wrong, or not doing what is right, all based in these ridiculous rules you have created for yourself!

Loosen up on the rule you have created for yourself, find a way to accept yourself outside of those rules, and you will see how much easier it is to accept others breaking the rules. Once you can accept yourself for who and how you are in the moment, disregarding the rules, knowing you are enough no matter what you do – you will find acceptance for those around you too, even when they don’t follow their rules. You see, they have their own rules, and their own need to break those rules, just like you are learning to break yours. Do not hold yourself so tightly, let go of the need to limit and control yourself, and you will change your reflection.

More love and less control. More acceptance and less judgement. Allow what is, and let the now change into a wider perception of the new now.

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