I feel like I am not present in my own life
The only way to inhabit your life is to be you. To become who you are. No one else can fill your life. Only you. Don’t be afraid to take up too much space, or to be to self centered. It’s supposed to be about you, you are the center. That is why everyone has a life of their own, there is no need to share. Be loud, be self centered, talk about yourself, share your feelings and thoughts, share your perspective and share who you are with the world.
You can never live a full life while trying to hide from the world. No one else can use your life so if you don’t fill it it will always be left empty. Making mistakes is not a waste of time, hiding away from life is a waste of time. Wasting your life through not taking up space is a waste of life. It is left un-lived. Only you can live your life. Not being present in it as you is a waste of your life. Focusing on others may be kind, but it is certainly not fulfilling. They all have their own lives, why do you need to give them yours too?
Be present. Take up space. Be loud. Be self centered. Focus on you. Focus on what you feel. Focus on what you want. Focus on what makes you feel good. Speak your mind without guilt. Claim your seat without guilt. Own your life without guilt. You’ve earned this.
The emptiness you feel is because you never allowed yourself to see your life was all for you. It is all for you. Fill it with anything you like, as long as it is yours. Make it all about you. Be your own center of attention. Give attention to you like you used to give to others. Feel compassion to yourself like you used to feel for others. Give space to yourself like you used to give to others. Be patient with yourself like you are with others. For you are no less. And only you can inhabit your life. You decide who you want to be. Pick one thing and start from there. Find out who you are as you walk this path. This is your path and your life, only you can walk it. Only you.