I’ve had shoulder pain ever since my 20’s – what does it mean?
At the time of your 20s, you had adopted enough limiting beliefs about yourself, and your role in the world, for this emotional pain to become a physical pain. At this time, the wounds were deep enough to hurt also on the outside, and your body was doing it’s best to get your attention. And it kept on doing so, as it still is.
You are not here to make others happy. When they feel dissatisfaction, sadness, anger, it is not because of YOU. But you believe it is. When someone rejects you, you believe it is because you are wrong or bad, that you deserve this rejection. You believed back then that you should be different, and in some ways you still believe that. You carry the burden of others’ opinion of you, and you believe that when you being you, upsets others, that is your responsibility and your fault. You still believe you need to adapt, to change, to be different than you are so that you can fit in. You believe you must limit yourself so that you don’t bother others, so that you don’t upset others, so that you don’t make anyone feel negative emotions “because of you”.
When someone gets triggered by you, when someone feels negative emotions because of who you are, something you say or do, or what you are not, that is not your responsibility, but theirs. You will never be liked or be right for everyone. You will always represent the wrong and the worst to someone, because everyone has different preferences and rules for how others should be. When you trigger someone because of who you are, that means that you are picking in their wounds of insecurity. You are rubbing salt in their own feelings of being too this or too that. You are reminding them that they too limit themselves, they feel bad limiting themselves, and now you are right in front of them flaunting your wrongness. They feel negative emotions around you because of them, because of what they are and what they limit in themselves. But you were taught that if others responded to you with fear, that was your fault and your responsibility to fix. You are burdened by your beliefs that you are wrong, that you SHOULD(ers) be different than you are. You are weighed down by the belief that there is something wrong about you, and that wrongness pains others. You cannot be different than you are, so instead you are carrying the pain and the burden of causing pain to others because of who you are.
The further you stretched yourself to fit in, to be good and right, the more it hurt. Your body is falling apart because your mask, the illusion, is falling apart. You cannot pretend to be what you are not, and not have a wound from that pretending. You cannot carry a mask and trying to be different, denying who you are so that others won’t have to be triggered, and not live with the consequences. Your mask, the illusion you have tried to keep up, has worn you down. The burden of carrying this mask, has torn you apart. The mask is cracking too, because the illusion can only hold for so long. At some point, the real you starts to come out, and the mask is falling apart.
You cannot carry the pain of believing you should be different. If you had been different, if you were different, thousands of lives would have been affected and not for the better. The fact that you are exactly as you are, in every way, has positively impacted millions of lives. Your kindness and patience has helped thousands. Your words have lifted so many. The pain you have experienced has helped you get to where you are today. Nothing was in vain. But you don’t have to continue wearing the mask. You SHOULD not be different. There is nothing you SHOULD have done differently. You don’t need to limit yourself anymore, or hold back just to make sure no one else gets offended or hurt. You don’t need to take care of or carry others. You are not responsible for how others feel. You cannot control how others feel, not even by pretending to be less than you are.
Trying to dislocate, to remove yourself from yourself, is the result of severe inner pain. When you try to run away from who you are, you are truly not accepting yourself. But there is nothing wrong with who you are, in no trait or attribute. In fact, you are pure perfection, in any and every way, at all times. Everything about you is planned and orchestrated by your soul, and every part of you is beneficial and good, both to you and those blessed souls that get to know you. Rather than trying to remove yourself from your pain, try to go inside it. When negative feelings show up, be curious. Accept their presence, and meet them with open arms. Rather than trying to move away from the negative emotion, meet it and ask yourself WHY you feel this way. The fears always have a reason for showing up, and that reason is what you need to change. The belief that causes you pain, is what needs to change, not who you are. Don’t distance yourself from the parts you don’t like or appreciate about yourself. Don’t distance yourself from the pain. The pain is only there because you are believing in something that is not true, something that is an illusion. The pain is there to tell you that this is an illusion, so that you can let go of the illusion and let go of the fear.
Every physical ache is the result of emotional pain or imbalance. The body is your greatest tool in this exploration. You need to heal the cause of the pain, not just the symptoms. Meet the emotions with curiosity, and let go of the illusion.