Why is sex so good? Because you connect with another. If it was just the orgasm, you could use toys. But what you seek is skin on skin, vibration, touch, sound, smell, taste, energy in motion. You want to experience another connecting with you. You want to experience the connection of two parts of the One. And because so many of you walk around wearing masks, being inauthentic and being who you are not, the physical and energetic connection through touch and through sex becomes even more important. And the more open and authentic you are when having sex, the more pleasure it brings you.
If you have sex and feel little or no connection, the sex is less satisfying. Yes, it can definitely be physically pleasing, but it does not satisfy your inner need. So you keep on needing more and more. You keep on wanting, because your needs have not been satisfied. It is like eating sugar-free chocolate, or low calorie ice cream. It tastes good, but it is not what you truly desire. So you eat your fill, and the desire stays within you like a low voltage humming. Never resting, never satisfied.
Many use sex as a way to feel desired, believing that receiving sex or being thought of as desirable, is the same as being loved. When you seek outside approval and use sex to receive it, it will never satisfy your need. What you are truly seeking through this act is your own love, and love from another will only ever be second best. Again, the act does not satisfy your need because what you need is not what anyone else can give you.
When you seek connection with another, you seek to be seen for who you truly are, and to see the other for who they truly are. You seek authenticity. You seek true connection between one soul and another. The inauthentic version of you cannot connect to the authentic connection you desire, and so unless you allow yourself to be authentic and the other person also show up as the authentic them, you will not find the connection you seek. In the true connection of two authentic beings there is a sharing of energy, a sharing of information and what you might call love. A sharing of understanding and curiosity of what the other is. A mutual interest in seeing the other, and through those sights also seeing ones self. But if you are afraid of seeing your true self, then you will hide and the connection will not be the deep connection you seek.
Are you denying yourself pleasure when you do not actively hunt for sex? Ask yourself what need it is you are wanting to fulfill? Is it the desire to be the authentic you and to be seen for who you are? Is it the desire for real and authentic connection to a soul that picks your interest and your curiosity? Or is it a physical workout with orgasm as the end point? All those are equally spiritual and wonderful! Just be aware that they are different needs, and so the answer to your desire will also be different depending on what you seek. If you seek confirmation of your worth, if you want for someone else to desire your body so that you can feel lovable, then do you not think that is a topic for deeper exploration? If you want the workout and the orgasm, go for it! If you want the true connection, then sex is just one tiny part of that union. Be aware of what it is you truly desire. Sure, you may be denying yourself pleasure by not having more sex, but which pleasure? What exactly is it you want? And how much of that wanting is the results of outside pressure and “should’s”? What do YOU want?