Question: How do I get stop wallowing in my pain after a break up?
Feeling grief is not weakness. Feeling sad is not weakness. Not feeling, is not strength. As you feel the sadness and pain, be consciously aware of what is happening. Why do you feel this? By going deeper into the pain you can uncover more layers to your sorrow. Why does this hurt so much?
Why do you fear freedom?
You fear not having that outside proof of your worthiness, you fear how others will perceive you now that you have no stamp of approval from a man. But is this true? Why do you value this approval so much? And was it truly valuable, considering how it limited you?
You are expanding, and now you have set yourself free from the limitations of this relationship. All relationships grow and change, because you the participants grow and change. You evolve. You expand. You have become more of who you are, and less of fear, and so that partner was no longer a vibrational match to you. You have also become less needy, and more free, and that change triggered a loss of love within him. He needed your need. And as you needed less, you fulfilled less need within him.
Feeling is not just wallowing in your feelings. If you wallow, you attach yourself to the pain. By detaching from the pain you allow yourself to receive the messages that the negative emotion is here to tell you, and you let the negative feelings pass on. How do you detach then? By not needing the pain to feel safe. Many humans are so used to pain, to emotional pain, to negative feelings, that they feel safer and more at home in sadness than in pain. You also lived like this for a long time. Now you are moving away from this. You know how good you can feel, without this attachment to pain. You have felt the higher vibrations over and over, and for longer periods of time. The more you get accustomed to the pleasure and the positive feelings, the easier it is to return to them. And when you have that memory of happiness to pull you back out of the pain, you will find your way out much quicker than before. As you decide to go into the messages within the sadness, remember that there is still joy to be experienced out there in your real life. Don’t jump into the water to drown, just take a dip. Focus on being aware, awake, listening, as you walk into the emotion. As you feel, be aware of what the message is. Focusing on the message can help you to also be more focused on the feeling a more conscious way. You are feeling yes, but you are doing so purposefully. There is a desire for knowledge behind your feeling. There is a desire for change. Through this focused awareness of what you are feeling, as opposed to just feeling without curiosity or awareness, you can begin to understand yourself and your reactions. The curiosity, the awareness and the focus on what and why, is the most helpful part of the process. Be curious. Be open. Stay focused on what specifically you are feeling, and the nuances of this. Feel for movement, for change in your feeling. There will be movement and change in how it feels to you, as you uncover more information about why you feel this way.
As you receive the insights and information about your limiting beliefs, the pain will subside. You will cry yourself empty in a way. That is when the healing occurs. Love the one who survived, love the one who made you aware of this pain (the old you), love the one who got you to who you are today (YOU!). As you accept the one you were, you can learn to love who you are today. The one led you to the other. Your desire to live as the new you will pull you out of the pain soon enough. Your desire and curiosity for what lies ahead is too strong for you to wallow in this pain. Trust yourself. You have earned it!