Whenever we try something new we are playing with the possibility of failure. Failure is basically when your experiences don’t live up to your expectations. But does that actually mean you failed? When there is a mismatch, it means one of them is wrong, right? The experience already happened, so that has to be right. It can’t be changed no matter what, because it only exists as a memory. The other variable is your expectation. Your expectations are not a match to real life. Real life is our experiences. I say real life wins every time. Life has a tendency to just keep on living no matter how hard we disagree with it. Hard to beat that. So then the expectation is the variable that needs to be adjusted. Do you agree? Because life has already been lived. You can’t change what has been, but you can change the expectations you measure that past and your current self up against.
How you think about those expectations and the experiences compared to the expectations will determine how you think and feel about yourself. It will determine your future because your beliefs about yourself is what controls your behavior. If you think you can’t, then you won’t even try. If you do think you can, you will for sure try at least once. If you KNOW you can, and you KNOW you want it, you will keep trying until you succeed. Failure then is simply an experience that influences your expectations and allows you to learn to adjust your thoughts and beliefs about yourself. Yes?
My kitchen counter herbs are desperatly trying to grow fast enough to keep up with my desires…
They don’t give up, but keep on growing and doing their thang!
I’ve had so many failures in my life I can’t even count them. I’ve also had massive, MASSIVE growth. I’ve gained a tremendous amount of wisdom through those experiences of not matching my expectations. I still keep failing. And these past 3 years have been the years of the most growth in all my life. That should tell you something about the amount of failure I have experienced… Yikes.
The only reason I know how to go from unworthiness to feeling worthy and loved, is because I have been to the depths of unworthiness and clawed my way out of it into love. Countless times, because the wound is deep. I know that journey like the back of my hand. I can do it with my eyes closed, literally, because it’s a journey in the dark. (you noticed the wit there right?)
I also know a lot about failing. About wanting so bad and trying so hard, and yet it’s a battle. And what I realized today as I sat outside in freezing wind while the fire alarm went off and the whole building was evacuated (don’t ask) is that I have a habit of giving up on myself. I have been conditioned to give up on myself! When things don’t work out on the first or second attempt I go ” I knew it!”. And I feel shame for having believed in myself at all. And I feel good and virtuous for giving up on myself! It’s like giving up on myself earns a pat on the shoulder, and a “good on you for remembering your place and coming back into the flock of hopelessness and mediocrity”, except there is no one else there to say it but me.
Do you recognize this? Do you also feel a kind of relief to get to give up on yourself?
When we push ourselves outside our comfort zone we meet stress. All of us. We practice calming down in the stress and soothing ourselves. But it’s still challenging. That’s why giving up can feel like a relief. Because when we give up we can go back into the safety of the known. We don’t have to expand.
Mots of us have been taught that it is honorable to sacrifice yourself for others. To sacrifice your own needs and desires, in order to serve others. And going for what lights you up, going for what YOU want vs serving others, is selfish. So when we give up on our dreams, we feel some weird sense of validation because we are basically sacrificing our own joy. We are saying “I can’t make this work so I give up on my dreams and let my life become a service to all others’ desires instead. Let me exist as fluff in YOUR dream instead of the main character in my own.”.
Let’s get this straight: sacrificing yourself, your dreams and your life, is never serving ANYONE. You came here, a Soul embodying a human vessel, to serve yourself and the collective, through you being YOU. In that beingness, in the characteristics of the Soul, there is embedded a specific and unique life purpose. Living as you means doing this thing that you are here to do, also called your purpose. When you do this thing, you are expressing the very essence of who you came to be. So your purpose and your authentic self is One. Your purpose is the highest expression of your authentic self. Being your authentic self will lead you to living your purpose and living your purpose will lead you to being your authentic self. And THAT, my friends, is your highest act of service.
Your desires are energetic cords that lead you to your purpose. Your desires are enticing you to discover and live your purpose. That means that you are meant to follow your desires and dreams! They lead you to your highest service for yourself and all other beings! Giving up on yourself is NOT service! Let that shit go!
So I ask you to consider where you are on the giving up scale. Are you trying to silently give up, and not be stressed by expansion? Or are you taking the leap?