You have a lot of self doubt, and a lot of fear of being judged. You fear saying the wrong thing, and you fear the consequences of that, and so you try to find the words to say something that will not offend or hurt anyone, something that is neutral enough, or “right” enough that you can reply when asked, but be sure to avoid their disapproval or their judgment. This is not wrong, and you are not wrong, you are just carrying a lot of fear in that area. And the best start is what you are doing, accepting yourself as you are!

When others do judge you, it is not because you are wrong. It is because you have triggered fear in them, meaning you have triggered a limiting belief in them. That feels uncomfortable to them, and they wish it hadn’t happened, so in order to feel better, they blame you. When you do say something that others don’t like or agree with, you feel uncomfortable. You feel the tension. But the discomfort comes from you believing that this tension, or their upset feelings, their bad mood, is bad. You believe it is bad and wrong that people feel bad, and you see it as your fault. The tension YOU feel is the tension inside of YOU, when you notice others react negatively to what you have said. You believe you have said something wrong, because it caused them to feel negative emotions, and so you believe you are wrong or at fault for this. The pattern you see is: “I say something, people feel bad, I made them feel bad, I am wrong to have made them bad” and from that you create the belief that you must be careful with your words, so it doesn’t hurt anyone or upset anyone, because when it makes others feel bad it makes YOU feel bad. Because you believe you are the cause and the one to blame for how they feel, you believe YOU are the reason they feel bad, and so naturally that must mean that YOU are bad.

When you trigger someone by saying something, anything, it feels emotionally uncomfortable to you. This is because you have been taught that how others feel matters more than how you feel. You have been taught that you must do whatever it takes, to make others feel good or at least not feel bad, no matter how that makes you feel. You have been taught that others matter more than you do. Of course, when you fail at this, when you say something that upsets others, you are reminded of how you have just done something wrong and are now bad, or unworthy of love. You believe that how others feel, is your responsibility. But what you need to remind yourself is that you cannot control how others feel, no matter how hard you try. Some people are feeling so much the victim that they will be offended no matter what you say, taking everything in the worst meaning. Others have certain sore spots, and when you poke that wound, unintentionally, they react in fear. Some days those you talk to will be in a bad mood, and snap at innocent and friendly remarks. They are controlling how they perceive you are communicating, based on how they already feel. They can hear your kind words, and perceive it to be sarcasm, because they already feel bad. It doesn’t matter how good your intentions are, you cannot control how others feel, or how they react to what you say.

As you adopted this belief that you need to make or keep others happy, and that if others get hurt by what you say you are wrong, you also created manifestation events to prove these beliefs. When you create a new belief, your reality must change in order to reflect this belief, good or bad. That means that at any and all times, your reality will reflect your beliefs. You had many manifestation events where your words triggered people, because that is what you believed and so the reality had to reflect this back to you. This may not have been what actually happened, but due to your belief, this is what you perceived to have happened. These events proved to you that your beliefs were true, and that you needed to carefully guard your words, because otherwise you could hurt people, and hurting people is bad. Or so you thought.

Most people buy into these beliefs, and most people still believe others are to blame for their own negative reactions, for being triggered. But that is an illusion, and you know better now. Now starts the time where you can practice changing this belief, by slowly allowing yourself to say “stupid things”, or to change your mind over and over, and soothe yourself when you feel bad for doing it. There is nothing wrong in changing your mind, it just means you have thought about something from many perspectives, which is actually good! Allow yourself to say what you think, notice how you feel when you regret it, and then process that fear. You don’t have to keep others happy. You have a right to say whatever you want, to express your thoughts, even if others disagree. If and when you change your mind, that is perfectly fine too, and nothing to be ashamed of or to judge as wrong. When you do feel the discomfort after speaking freely, soothe yourself. Understand that this is a process, and it will feel uncomfortable for a little while, as you get used to this new approach. It takes time to change your beliefs, so don’t create this expectation for yourself of being instantly perfect. Remind yourself that you are not responsible for their limiting beliefs, for if and how they get triggered. They need to be triggered so they can reduce their limiting beliefs, even if they don’t know this approach. It is not your responsibility to keep them feeling good. What is your responsibility is to let go of your limiting beliefs, so you don’t feel triggered by their reaction to what you say.

Allow yourself this freedom of expression, bit by bit, slowly letting go of the belief that you need to make others happy. That never was, and never will be, your job. Accept that the reflection will be slightly uncomfortable as you change your belief, and when you perceive people to react negatively to what you say, just know it is simply a reflection of your belief, nothing more. It doesn’t mean anything about you, other than that you have a limiting belief. That is all it is.


Spiritual Guide


  1. Brilliant, highly articulate and concrete article in line with the new approach to life. Really helps! I will translate it in French. Thank you very much Astrid! Love to you. AB

Leave a Reply

Pin It
%d bloggers like this: