I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these past months. A LOT. I’m sure you have too. I hit a block last year, where the work I was doing no longer excited me. Instead of paying attention and changing my course of action, I just tried harder. Yup, also something I’m sure many can relate to. We get so stuck in our own habits, our own conditioned perception, that we are unable to see the new path. So I kept pushing harder, creating more of the same thing that didn’t excite me. And I couldn’t figure out why this thing that had been so successful in the past, suddenly wasn’t working. Now I know. It’s because of me. Because of my lack of interest. My energy was no longer supporting my creations, and so the creations didn’t give me any value. The energy BEHIND the creation is everything. If you don’t believe in your creation, if it doesn’t energize you, then there is very little energy transmitted through that creation. Basically, YOU as the creator put your energy into the creation, and that energy is what gets transferred as value when you sell or share your creations. It’s all about energy.
I was forced to change. I had spent the last 2 years focusing on creating and running courses, and the courses were not selling anymore. It didn’t light me up, and the energy running the courses was no longer on fire. I resisted this change big time. I spent months fighting it.
Looking back it seems so obvious, as it often does in hindsight.
6-7 years ago I started working 1:1 with a spiritual teacher. I sent questions on email and got a written reply back. This was 5 days a week, and it lasted almost a year. It changed my life. Working with a coach/teacher in this way forced me to change. It forced me to commit to myself and my healing journey. The individual follow up, the constant challenges, it all transformed me.
Before this I had been depressed for decades, although I didn’t know that was what it was. I assumed everyone longed for death and felt deeply pained to be alive. I assumed everyone found life meaningless and empty and that I was just weaker than everyone else for not being able to just push through the pain. But I did live with it. I had a job and a normal life, I just hated it deeply. I was deeply unhappy and in deep emotional pain. I didn’t know there was any other way to live. Until this year of transformation.
I showed up week after week, doing the inner work, constantly being triggered, feeling like giving up and like nothing was working or changing. If not for the fact that I had committed and paid for 6 months I would have left after just a few weeks. Thank God I made that committment! It completely changed my life!
After these 10 months of coaching I kept pushing. The deep introspection, the self coaching and the habit of challenging my beliefs was now a way of living. I had learned how to actively engage with life and to deliberately change my beliefs. I dove into this work even deeper, learning how my emotions tied into all of this, and gained an even deeper understanding of how we create our reality, and most of all how our beliefs shape our experience of our reality. I found my purpose. I found a meaning to being alive. This work changed everything for me. Looking back I can see the pattern. But it’s so difficult to notice it when we are in the thick of it!
These first 3 years of my business I have worked with so many people through my work. But the thing that I didn’t notice is that 80% of the people who do private sessions with me end up working with me long term. Month after month of diving deep, changing beliefs and expanding the ability to process emotions. My customers showed up for the deep work over and over again. The deep healing happens in intimate containers where they feel safe to be vulnerable. I’ve experienced first hand the value of that work, because it changed my life completely. And for 3 years I have been looking all around me trying to find the path for my work, trying to figure out what I was meant to do, how I was meant to share my wealth of wisdom. I was so caught up in the chasing and searching, that I lost sight of what was already right there in front of me: the long term, intimate work with 1:1 clients. The work that changed my life, and that I have been doing with clients all this time while searching for “the way”. My own ignorance is quite astonishing, but at the same time so very human and so very common.
The thing that we are here to do, and the ways in which we are meant to do it, is always obvious. If you know how and where to look. It’s something that is so easy and natural to us. Something we have always mastered. And that is why we don’t notice it, because it has always just been there. We don’t recognize the value in it, because we take it for granted. Your purpose is embedded in your bones! It is a part of your DNA and you carry the blueprint to your destiny within you. You KNOW what you are here to do. I promise you, you know. You may not be aware, because you are looking outside of yourself for the answers, like I did. You may not notice the red thread that runs through your life, because you are not recognizing the patterns of your past. You may not see the value in the transformations that have shaped you, and you may not be aware of your growth, because you are still stuck in the belief that something (mainly you and your life) should be different than it is.
The answers are always right there, in our lives and within ourselves. But if we are not aware and looking inwards, it can be very difficult to see those answers. If you think that value is found in money and things, in material wealth, you may not notice the immense value that is found within you. Your wisdom gained from failures and challenges. Your life experiences that taught you who you are, and how much love and compassion lives inside of you. Your emotional wealth is your true value. The value is who you are, your energy. Not your things. Not your money. Your value is you. You are the most valuable asset in your life.
Look back into your past, and see how much you have expanded. See all the value you now embody. See how powerful you are to have made it this far. And then look ahead, look into your future. Where do you want to go? Because you have the power to create whatever you desire. Your desires are guiding you to the fulfillment of your destiny, to living your purpose. What lights you up? What sparks your fire? And what is holding you back? Let me answer that for you: your beliefs. Your beliefs determine your choice of action, or not action. If you don’t believe it is possible you will never take the action to try achieving it. You belief of how it is impossible or not for you, will stop you from getting what you want, because you never even try. So you prove yourself right. But what if you start believing? What if you try? And keep trying until it works? And as you try you continue to support and believe in yourself, adapting your beliefs along the way so you constantly level up. Sure, you will be challenged by your limiting beliefs every step of the way, because that is how you change. You change through processing your beliefs and taking action on the new beliefs. If you don’t take action, you are not fully believing, but simply entertaining thoughts. And trust me, you are worth the action, you are worth living in alignment with your purpose. You have the skills. You have the abilities. You have the energy. Do you have the beliefs?
I’m still working on my beliefs. That is a never ending process. But I know HOW to do that now. And I have the awareness of what I am here to do. Because it’s what I have been doing all this time, without even noticing. Because it’s natural to me, and it was always just there. I didn’t recognize the value in it, because I didn’t recognize the value in me.
This work is deep, and it keeps uncovering layers upon layers within us. Layers and layers of value, of illusion, of transformation. Change is a constant. And thank God for that.
What change do you want to make?