Like many people you are focused on thinking. Thinking with your mind. Constantly judging what is good, bad, right or wrong. Mostly you judge your interaction with other people, so you can then judge yourself based on this. If something in this interaction is judged as wrong you assume you are wrong. And so you have less of a desire to interact again.
When you spend all this time thinking, which is basically just judging, you spend a great deal of energy on deciding and labeling what is going on, instead of feeling into it. You are there, together with others, in the interaction, but you are not really there. See, you are busy in your mind, labeling every encounter, every detail as right or wrong. You constantly seek to see your reflection in this judgement, and usually you judge yourself as wrong. Which again brings up negative emotion, and you decide that this person or these types of encounters are not what you desire.
The amount of energy spent on this judgement is draining you. When you interact you have to focus on understanding the communication, finding the right answers, understanding what they are really saying but not expressing through their words, deciding what they want you to say, see if you can say this and still feel honest, see if it is according to societal rules of behavior, and all the time judging if your responses are right or wrong, both before you reply, during the seconds when you reply (watching their reactions) and in the hours and days after the encounter. Every encounter you are reliving at least 3 times. Every nuance judged as right or wrong. For every wrong you place a judgement on yourself as wrong for not doing better. Do you see the stress you place on yourself?
Thinkers, these great minds who seeks knowledge, are indeed great minds. You all are absolutely necessary in this process and this environment of enlightenment. Your quests bring forth important information, benefiting the whole. But, and yes, there is a but, when you think and label and judge everything like you do, you shut out the possibility of being in the moment. Because you are busy studying and judging, giving yourself grades for performing, you are not really present in the moment. You are not really here. You lose out on so much joy, and relaxation. The whole point of living is expansion, living in the moment. There is only now, past and future is an illusion. You are constantly living in the past judging what you did, or the future, anticipating what they will say next. You are never in the moment.
Try to let go of this judgement. You will catch yourself doing it, and then judge yourself for doing it, as this is your way… but try to let go immediately, and shut off any further comments or discussion inside of you. Don’t follow the thread of judging yourself, just let it be and tune into the moment. Every time you stop yourself from further judging you will lessen the momentum of judgement and add to the momentum of allowing. Do not fall into the trap of judging yourself for judging, just let it be. It is a very ingrained habit, your mind thinks it is helping your survive and succeed. It needs time to get used to this new approach. You will feel great deal of fear in the beginning, as you are now suddenly asking the mind to keep you in this dangerous state of non-judgment. You will worry how you will know what to say, or what to do, but this will work itself out as you leave the judging behind and focus on being. Remember most of all to love yourself through this process. To accept that this is changing momentum, and that this is not who you are, just what you are used to doing.
You are not your habits, you are Love. Your judgment doesn’t change who you truly are, it just adds to your pain and stress. Judging or not judging will not change who you are. Allowing yourself to be you, to be without judgment will not change who you are. It will greatly enhance your joy and ease with life, and it will help you live authentically. It will not change who you truly are. Remember, fear is an illusion. You are the truth and the reality of it all.