We all have wounds. None of us move through life unscathed. Life is set up in this brilliant way where we recreate conditions that trigger our trauma, our wounds, so that we can heal. What is the pattern that you keep creating in your life?
It may be difficult to identify in the thick of it, but it’s there. From the outside it is fairly easy to see the core wound, and what needs healing within. We heal in layers, so the healing takes time and consistency. Luckily, once again life comes to the save by creating “random” situations that help this healing process.
I think we can all relate: you’ve just uncovered a limiting belief and processed an worked to change that, right? You’ve allowed yourself to feel your emotions, let the pain give it’s information so you can understand why you feel this way and why that is no bueno. And you feel better. Until boom life hits you with another similar experience, fitting right into the old pattern. And you go “Whaaaat, but I just healed this?”. No, you healed a layer. No you are in the process of becoming aware of the next layer that needs healing. You didn’t miss anything and you didn’t fail. This is actually the sign of success!
Me exploring joy at a young age, using my Grandpa as a horse. I guess I was born to boss people around…
Joy is an emotion that is difficult for me to access. To just let go and enjoy myself, is very very unfamiliar. I tend to use work as an outlet for joy, but then again that is more a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment, not pure joy. Can you relate?
The wounds belong to a pattern. Or I should say, your circumstances and experiences form a pattern that reveal your deepest wounds. You have limited yourself all your life to avoid those wounds. When something hurts, we don’t want to touch it. So we learn to navigate our way through life in ways that avoid these wounds and the areas they manifest. The only problem is that wounds spread. When we don’t heal, they will start manifesting in other areas as well. Especially if you have been successful in avoiding the pain and avoiding certain areas in your life. Such as the area of life this first manifested in. When you limit your exploration in life in order to try to avoid pain, the pain will bleed into other areas of your life to force you to look at it. Healing seeks you out actively.
Limitation feels bad. It’s a response to trauma, an attempt to keep us safe from future harm. You see, when we experience trauma, that usually involves not getting our needs met in one form or another. Such as rejection, abandonment or neglect of emotional needs. Who hasn’t experienced that at one part in their life, right?
As a result of not getting our needs met in that area, we recreate that pattern of not meeting that need. We refuse to give to ourselves what we need. Partly because we know how much it hurts to get it ripped away from us. If you have been abandoned you desperatley seek to be loved, but you try to protect yourself from abandonment by not letting anyone get close, or by manifesting people who do get close and then leave you. Patterns manifest to allow healing.
You also get really good at giving OTHERS what you experienced not getting. You give to others instead of giving to yourself, as a way of solving the problem of wanting to receive but fearing to receive. You have the desire for connection, so you give connection to others. But you fear abandonment so that connection is one sided where you allow others to get their needs met, but you yourself hold back and don’t fully go all in into the relationships. This feels limiting but still better than nothing. But if you don’t heal the core wound, life will push you even deeper into the feeling of abandonment.
Patterns can also be beautiful. Patterns of love, of how you show up in the world and offer healing through the growth and wisdom you have aquired from your own experiences.
What do YOU give to others but neglect in yourself, as a way to keep up the neglect, and keep feeding the wound? You keep recreating the pattern of your past, giving to others what you most of all desire to receive yourself. And most likely you also create circumstances that reflect the original wound, where others/life deny you the very thing you yearn to receive. This is your pattern of limitation. A pattern of the internal battle between desire and fear. A pattern that seeks healing.